Thoughts, feelings and behaviour

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thoughts feeling behaviorTime after time, session after session,
Line by line, mantra repeated,
Thoughts emerge, the cycle starts,
A niggle creeps in and twists,
Warning bells in the distance sound,
Echoes of past fears form in the shadows,
Deepest fears become manifest,
Anxiety raping logic,
The cycle gains momentum,
Traversing logic and insanity,
Moments of Vulcan logic pierce the phantasms
Releasing even more fractured fears.

I stop and pause attempting to hold ground
As faculties and control is discarded,
Tempests of furies, rich in teeth and claw,
Start to sliver under my flesh,
I scratch and itch the blade edge twitches,
Mind and thoughts lost in a squall of eternal rejections,
I breathe, blade gone, logic switch,
Help needed I hold out my hand,
I it snatch back quickly in foreboding,
They will see weakness and my flaws,
Exposed I relinquish humanity,

Now in dark places camouflaged in self loathing,
Gnawing at my flesh with silver blade,
Hacking at the Erinyes to gain freedom,
Independence from the self-loathing,
Failure sparks dialectic,
Internal dialogues dissect the rational and fallacious,
Two lawyers locked in legal intercourse seeking their own climax,
Which truths is real and possible,
Is any factualism real when evidence is created in an unstable mind?
Each cycle new spirals dragging me deeper,
More questions come with time,

Song lyrics break the thought,
Allowing me to see what transported me here,
A moment of lawless mind
Random thoughts escape and gain power,
Mocking me with tallies of historical substantiation as evidence,
Reinforce with my own fears,
Covered in desiccate sanguine fluid,
Regret steps forward and take centre stage,
I cry alone wishing the laceration where terminal,
I wash away the crust from my flesh,
Replacing the mask with a new semblance,
I start over

About Mr BPD

About Author. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and as a writer and poet I explore my madness through the creative arts. I have a personal belief that even in darkness light exists and it is a personal responsibility to always seek the light and I find the light in creating something.
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