Lost looking for reality

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Lost looking for reality poem bpdI walk alone across the battlements,

My mood the colour of long shadows,

Ready to defend against invisible foes,

Apathetic to defeat

The sound of solitude pounds like tap shoes on cobbles,

 

To scared and scared to name the truth,

Choking on the bile of betrayal,

Swallowing back chunks of false hope,

The denigrations I tell myself to survive,

The self-created environment,

 

World of grey thoughts,

Smothered in clouds of confusion,

Rivers of tears traverse mountains of loneliness,

Unstable settlements of self-realisation dot the landscape,

As the wind screams with voices of self loathing,

 

Alone I stand in madness,

Even my reality is imagined,

The thin veil that divides reality is shredded,

Glimpses of truth add delusions to the deluded,

Is my self-contained existence at risk?

 

Decomposition of verisimilitude,

Perplexity of understanding breaks the spell,

Walls crumble into blurred visions of white,

Exposed I stand, naked the fabrication of self removed,

Running for shadows save in the darkness,

 

Will I ever have the strength?

To stand naked in the light of truth,

Will I ever be free of this psychosis?

Daily feast of pharmaceuticals,

Day by day things change but are they real???

About Mr BPD

About Author. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and as a writer and poet I explore my madness through the creative arts. I have a personal belief that even in darkness light exists and it is a personal responsibility to always seek the light and I find the light in creating something.
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