I can’ say sorry anymore

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Borderline personality Disorder it is not an exuseSealed in dark form, logic lost,
Pain burns from where the blood flowed,
Battered, bruised from mental assault,
The self, controlled like a puppet,
I taste the vile words spewed from the dark and pain inside,
Regret takes the strangle hold on my immortal form,
With weapons of words and with feelings I attack,
Repugnant lyric lick at my victims like demons feasting on flesh,
Fear and anxiety manifest as foot soldiers and add ammunition to the attack,
This has form and substance, my face, my words, but not me,
Chained in place and gagged, I can’t watch not more,
The possession is complete the creature has control.

I float in silence and darkness,
Lost alone and the beast destroys all that I have been built and rebuilt,
Tears of blood run from my eyes choking the voice that says stop,
I start to drown in self-pity and regret as I can feel the battle lost,
The fallen, the emotional disembowel lay ahead,
The bloodless battle field calls for it tribute,
My blood, my hope, my desires must be sacrificed,
Refusal compounds confusion as I feel the dark entity’s kiss,
A warm comforting caress that shreds my soul with exquisite pain,
The joy in suffering as my skin is flayed by silver light,
Baptised and reborn in crimson animæ sanguinem,
The bête noire is satiated and dismounts like a rapist,

I stand aware of the devastation,
Echoes of the battle pound in my mind in distorted images and sounds,
I crumble under the weight and fall to my knees,
In the distance and getting further away the walking wounded,
They are the past the survivors the one I care for most,
Time after time beasts attacks explanation and apologise temp them back,
Can I put them through this again or should I let them leave the fight,
I need them, I need you, and want to them stay but words won’t leave my lips,
Clock tick my need grows, but you can not return
Time passes wounds heal but the beast still dances,
I must not draw you back to the world of my madness,
Time passed alone once more in perfect solitude,
No positive feelings to draw the demon.

Don’t be angry; don’t be sad I can’t say sorry no more,
Sorry to simple a word to explain, my emotional and mental pain,
I twist and turn and bite and kick and to all I care it’s you I hit,
Unfair it has to reject your love, support and my family,
The pain you feel and hurt I give is nothing to the malady I live,
A pain I feel and now plus yours is all I can injure,
So no more apologise it has to be,
The solo life for me,
No more pain to inflict but still is felt,
The world around finally melts,

About Mr BPD

About Author. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and as a writer and poet I explore my madness through the creative arts. I have a personal belief that even in darkness light exists and it is a personal responsibility to always seek the light and I find the light in creating something.
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