Faith and mental health

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A Brief History of ReligionI spent many years discovering and developing my religious viewpoint and practice. Without a belief in a higher purpose I not sure that I would be here today. I have learnt to accept the darkness that comes with borderline personality disorder and even though I still struggle with mood swings, suicidal thoughts, instead of treating it like a curse I see it as a gift.

A gift of an experience that gives me an insight into my illness, my goddess and myself. During bad times I become more creative I write more, words seem to flow with ease and with a meter that makes poetry flow, I also find painting and crafting becomes inspired.

When I was a child I was brought up in a Church of England family who converted to Catholicism to get me in to a school. I had always had a yearning for history and the gods of other cultures. I developed a strong interest in witches and witchcraft and found books on the subject. As I found an affinity with witchcraft my belief in the “One true god” waned the idea of one god as creator seemed hollow. Also the idea that god would provide if you just had faith felt wrong.

I am not saying that Christianity is wrong it was just wrong for me. I spoke to my priest and in confession told him that I didn’t believe in his god, he was very kind and said that I needed to seek god and have faith that the truth would come.

And it did …

I found Wicca and studied it in full, I made my way up the ranks, but something was still missing. It came down to structured and order of the religion that I really didn’t like. I really don’t like being told what to do so became a solitary practitioner. Over they years I have added other practices to my craft and developed it into a very eclectic path.

At the same time as studying and developing my craft I would have long periods of depression (or at least that what the doctor said it was). During these times I would isolate myself and although things would be difficult I did manage to greet each day and honour the phases of the moon. My prayers were never why me but always what do I need to learn.

I have learned so much about the internal workings of my mind and my needs and desires. I know that the gods will never remove my borderline personality disorder and it will always be part of me, accepting my illness has been a huge part of healing.

I am no way near perfect but I know my triggers and try to avoid them, the internal dialogues are still present and I still have very bad periods. But I am content with the status quo.

I think one of the main reasons I step away from Christianity was I never felt love by god in someway this is due to my Borderline Personality Disorder, I felt abandon by god, my prayer were unanswered. So I found a goddess that was an outcast who was loved and feared, I found a home. Now I see my goddess and gods in everything.

I would never say that any religion is wrong if you find peace and love then that is the right path. We need to remember that there are many roads to the divine and it’s a personal journey and we are all heading to the afterlife.

I believe that the gods do not give us any more than we can handle and we must trust that during the darkest of time the light will return just as the night gives way to the day darkness is replaced by illumination

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About Mr BPD

About Author. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and as a writer and poet I explore my madness through the creative arts. I have a personal belief that even in darkness light exists and it is a personal responsibility to always seek the light and I find the light in creating something.
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